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izzy_mar007
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Name: Isabell
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Lubbock
Birthday: 9/1/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: I love....life* fruit* feeling rebelious*dancing* singing (even though i can't sing worth anything)*Traveling* shopping!*talking* exploring* being independent* baking* cooking* running* endorphins* people with cool accents*Texas* Maroon 5* Starbucks* movies with adam sandler* music (can't function without it)**God** being with family* hanging with friends* volleyball* a guy* water (its just so refreshing)*a challenge* dreaming* extra time*reading*learning* living life for the spur of the moment* of course I love u, and you and you too* and tons more...
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  dzzyizzy007
MSN: dizzyizzy20022001@yahoo.com
Member Since:
9/12/2004
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| I'm kind of hoping no one will read this... but I sort of am (or i wouldn't have posted it at all. lol) so that I can get some advice.
I've been struggling with a problem for a while... and I don't know what to do to make it go away...
I can't let the pains of the past go. Almost everyday I am plagued somehow with a memory of what happened about 4 months ago. It still makes me sick to my stomach.
I've cried for assurance. I've pleaded for honesty and I still feel deprived of what I deserve somehow.
I want to believe in the present and hope in the future like I once did, but everything is ruined by the past.
How do I let it go? How do I believe in what I once did if there is nothing assuring me?
Leave advice... please!
love u all,
isabell
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| Hello to anyone out there reading this (I doubt anyone will, but if you are, hello anyway) This is going to be a little long... i have a lot to just let out....
Well this is where it all began...I guess this is where i'll end it too.
I got a message from a boy I knew from my Health class in 10th grade.
It went something like this:
"It sounds like your having fun in North Carolina, other than not having anyone your age to talk to. Man last weekend was soo busy for me i sold ice cream three days in a row on sunday I sold about 800$ worth of ice cream at Buffilo Springs Lake on sunday it was alot of fun. I've gotton so dark that you prolly wouldent even recognize me the next time you see me. I hope we could hangout or do somethin when you come back because i might be leaving in a week or so to go to Illinoise Im not sure if thats how you spell that, but you could e-mail me back to tell me if I did.
well uhh... see ya"
He kept me going on that trip, I was there for a while and all I could think about was him. We stayed up late on the phone talking about anything and it was so great. Then he asked if I would like to be his girlfriend when I turned 16 and of course I agreed, I liked him of course.
We started dating and things were a little awkward, like any new relationship. I was so happy all the time....
3 great years went by... so many wonderful, loving memories. So many good times.
I looked into his eyes and swore I saw my future. I saw everything in him that I wanted. If I could only see him now...
I'm heart-broken to say the least. I've cried myself to sleep almost every night since the break-up which has been over 3 weeks now. Do you still think about me? When you do... do you remember the good or the bad? I miss your touch, I miss talking to you, I miss being with you. I miss waiting for you, I miss knowing you'd be there after I finished something. I miss having someone to hold and love and know they loved me back. But no, now I am left with a ton of heart ache, emotions, confusion, and everyday I try to be strong, but then I have moments like this. Even right now I am crying... while I know he doesn't care, he doesn't bother to ask how I'm doing when I am in the most pain. I wish I hadn't believed him when he told me he would never hurt me. I don't feel right. I just feel like running from the truth... from reality... he's gone....but I can't run, I can't hide, it's real. How hard is it to hear that the person you loved with your whole heart doesn't love you anymore.... I'll tell you, it makes you feel like your worthless, it makes you wonder, regret, wish you could go back and do something different to change it. He says he wants his space... that I could understand, but why did he stop loving me? This would be all so much easier if I only knew what would happen next. He's told me he's already moved on and now I'm left with the broken heart...It is not fair... it is not right... it is painful... it is life. ugh. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I think about him. I can't see my friends with their boyfriends because then I have to leave the room and cry. How pathetic?
My final love letter:
Dear Baby,
I still love you. I miss you. I wish I could be with you right now doing anything, I wouldn't care, I would just be happy to be with you, close to you again. I thank you for all the happy times you gave me and I wish it didn't have to end this way. I didn't know what I had until I lost it and now I'd do anything to get it back. I loved the way you were always there for me when I needed you, when you visited me when I had the flu, or whenever I just needed a shoulder to cry on. I miss being there for you too. I miss the excitement of getting in my car to see you. In the process of everything I hope this is for the better. A part of me wants to believe you still care about me, but the other part asks... if you cared, why don't you call... write? The saddest part is now that you're leaving, it has to be.... well a clear one. I know you always said I saw things in black and white, but in this case, I will admit I am. I don't think I am strong enough to be your friend because I will always want more from you. Unless you can give that back to me, I don't know if I can even have contact with you. It's soooOOooooOOooooOOOOO sad, but true. I have been hurt in so many ways through all of this both emotionally and physically. I was really looking forward to spending Christmas with you and your family this year. Honestly, I looked forward to it all year...:( I wish so many things right now. I wish I could believe those words you told me on the beach "As long as the tides hit the shore, I will love you"... wow what a bunch of junk. How many other girls will you say that to in your lifetime? You know, you said I was the only girl you were with, and you were the only guy I loved... I was accepting that really, really well. I wanted you to be that guy. Now, I don't know who you are. Andy that loved to spend time with Isabell is gone. Andy that loved Isabell is gone. Andy that was Isabell's best friend is gone.
One day I will stop crying.
I will be healed.
I will grow strong.
But for now the wound is open and raw, there is nothing I can do but feel the pain and wait for it to cure itself.
So I can't wait for you... that's not fair for me. But I can say if you ever want to talk.. well u know my number.
That's all I've got to say for now. that and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
ok that felt a little bit better...
Well I have my last final in the morning.
Good night.
Love always,
Isabell
Our Last Photo Together... Sad, Yes I know...
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| OH JOY!!! 
Today is the day I get my widsom teeth out. How much fun, yes??
omg, I took my meds like an hour ago and i go in in like 30mins so i'm feelin kinda crazy right now.
[Phases of Isabell]
woah. 
woah!
woooah!!
lol.
well i'll be out for a while all you peeps in cyberspace that might be trying to talk to me. Or, i'm sure my mom will be online, you could talk to her 
Leave LOVE
Gotta go before I pass out
LUV YA!
izzy | | |
| Looks like my world is slowly moving from the xanga world to the myspace world.... I know, I know, i've given into a life with no light at the end of the tunnel, just pure darkness, and there is no purpose. If anyone has a MySpace and would like to get me started just go to www.myspace.com/izzy_mar007 and add me as your friend and post a comment. Wait, what am i talking about? You guys would know lots more about this than i do. Just give me a little time and I'll get in the swing of things after a while.
Anyway... I'm here home alone. YESSSS!!!! Music as loud as I want and i get to run around Naked!!!!!!.....ehem, i mean aw, solitude is so boring, shux.
Here are sum pics from this past weekend with Annalise, Krystal, Hunter, and of course lovely Andy...
ouch!
cute kids
well i'm outz for now
izzy | | |
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I don't know how accurate this test is, but apparently this is me ....
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
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Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. | trait snapshot:
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clean, likes large parties, outgoing, makes friends easily, optimistic, positive, social, high self control, traditional, assertive, rarely irritated, self revealing, open, finisher, high self concept, controlling, rarely worries, tough, likes to stand out, does not like to be alone, semi neat freak, fearless, dominant, trusting, organized, resolute, strong, practical, craves attention, adventurous, hard working, respects authority, brutally honest, realist, altruistic |
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